Godzilla Was in My Bedroom Last Night

I didn’t sleep at all last night. Paralyzed with fear that a two inch long, pink, bulbous eyed monster lizard would pounce on me in my sleep. It started around 11:00, just as I was drifting to sleep:

“Chirp, chirp.”

What was that? Did I leave the television on? No, I don’t have a television. Listen intently.

“Chirp, chirp.”

What the heck? Turn on light. Shriek at the top of lungs scaring the bejesus out self and small cold-blooded animal stuck precariously to the wall above my head.

Leering at each other for what seemed like hours, both too stunned to move, I slowly inch my way to the phone. Call neighbor. Neighbor not willing to come wrestle a gecko at 12:00 in the morning. Hang up. Leer some more.

Alone with lizard. Lizard makes a break for it, darting under the bed. Another shriek escapes the lips. More leering.

With the dexterity of an ape, I lunge forward catapulting the beast onto the adjoining wall where it promptly rights itself and skitters into the bathroom.

Horrified and relieved, I slam the bathroom door shut, lock it (just in case), roll up a towel to plug the space beneath the door, say a prayer and wait for morning.

Dawn breaks. Baseball bat in hand, I open the door to the bathroom and find it lizard free. Take shower, cautiously.

Godzilla has probably been recruiting all of his lizard friends today, just waiting until I turn my light off this evening. I think I might sleep with my baseball bat tonight.

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