Top 10 Things You Can Get at a Street Fair in India

A few days ago I went walking with my friend Bobbi Jo. We decided to go to the Mount Mary festival here in Bandra. We’d heard tell of wax body parts for sale. See, the theory is that you buy a wax replica of an ailing body part, house, building, office, car, whatever…offer it to Mother Mary and she will fix it for you. This sounded pretty good so we thought we’d see what all the commotion was about.

Following is a list of ten things you can find at a state fair in India:

10. Flashing pink devil horn headbands.

9. Loud noisemaker horns that you can use to blow out the eardrums of the person directly in front of you in the crowd.

8. Green chicken on a stick.

7. Wax boobs. (To make as an offering to Mother Mary… if you need a new set I presume.)

6. Goan sweets. Condensed milk burned into a little cake thingy that is dry and crumbly.

5. Food poisoning because you ate a Goan sweet.

4. New boyfriends. Thousands of them. Taking your photo.

3. Motion sickness due to the lightning-quick clip at which the ferris wheel is moving.

2. Motorbikes. With keys. All lined up and parked in front of your house. Presumably to make it easier to pick the one you want to steal.

1. AIDS. Because you can get a bitchin’ tattoo! On the side of the dirty road. From a woman in a tattered sari who is using a needle that is rigged to a set of 4 D batteries held together with banana leaves and tape.

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